NBA PLAYOFFS, FANTASY HOOPS THE POPE, PASSOVER, LFAQs ETC.

NBA PLAYOFF NOTES OF THE DAY:

Orlando-Toronto:

Bosh is a monster and has the obvious edge in his match-up with Rashard Lewis. But the rest of the match-ups favor Orlando. Ultimately, I can't see the Raptors having an answer for the inside-outside game of Hedo and D-Howard. Orlando in 6.

Washington-Cleveland.

Many people (even the eminent John Hollinger) are picking Washington and, with the return of Arena and the emergence of Stevenson, Mason and Blatche as legitimate complements to the big three of Butler, Jamison and Agent Zero, I can understand the thinking. They do have more pure offensive firepower than the Cavs. But I am not inclined to bet against Lebron and I think that the size and depth of the Cav's front line (my boy Z, Big Ben, Varejao and even Joe Smith) will ultimately prove to be the decisive factor in the series. Cavs in 7.

Detroit-Philadelphia.

The Sixers are legitimately dangerous. No team in the east has played better than they during the final quarter of the season. It'll be a tougher series than many expect, but the pride and professionalism of the Pistons will allow them to prevail. Detroit in 6.

Boston-Atlanta.

Since acquiring Bibby, Atlanta has been one of the better teams in the east. But that said, the only real question seems to be whether the Celtics sweep or lose a game. I'm going with their losing a game--which, given the Celtics desire to make a statement with a sweep, is a real sign of my respect for the Hotlanta gang. Boston in 5.

Utah-Houston

Love Houston's story, chemistry, commitment etc. Love the way guys like Battier, Scola, Alston and Bobby Jackson have stepped up. But without Yao, I just don't see this being the breakthrough playoff series victory Tracy McGrady has been waiting for his entire career. Utah in 6.

Lakers-Denver:

As sexy and explosive as Denver is, I actually think this is the biggest mis-match in the first round. Camby is the entirety of their defense and he's much more effective as an off the ball help defender against teams that rely on driving the ball to the hoop. The Lakers' triangle D minimizes his defensive strengths, making him pay--largely in the form of Gasol dunks-- for any freelancing in the lane. The Lakers are just too cohesive and committed a team for a bunch of gunslingers to have a nugget of a chance. Lakers in 4.

Mavs-Hornets

Tasty series, featuring a classic generational match-up at the point in J-Kidd versus Chris Paul, two excellent, under-rated small forwards in D-West and J-How and of course Dirk and his determination to redeem the debacle of last season by getting out of the first round. That intangible alone would seem like a reason enough to give Dallas the edge, but for some reason, I am just not feeling them this year. I see Chandler dominating Dampier down low and CP3 carving up the Dallas D even more effectively than J-Kidd diddles with the Hornets' D. Hornets in 7.

Suns-Spurs

The crown jewel of the first round. A match-up that feels like it belongs in the Conference Finals if not the NBA Finals. Just doesn't get any better than this. Dynasty. Rivalry. Revenge. Shaq and Duncan going head-to-head in an attempt to secure their 5th ring--and the status as dominant champion of their generation. This is the match-up the Suns made the trade for and it sure didn't work out for them in the first game--as Duncan went off for 40 and 15 and Shaq came up with statistical bupkis and a bunch of fouls. That said, I'm not giving up on the Suns in this one. While they still have no answer for Ginobili (who does?), the Spurs now really have no answer for Amare--who--suddenly freed of the burden of guarding the 5, has been the great beneficiary of the Shaq trade. Despite Duncan's epic first game effort, I see Shaq doing a much better job against him throughout the series--avoiding foul trouble just long enough to reduce Duncan's statistical contribution from the spectacular to the merely solid while Nash and Amare break down the Spurs' interior D. Obviously, it won't be easy. But I see the Suns prevailing in 7. Suns in 7.

EXCLAMATIONOF THE DAY:

Sessions!

EXPLANATION OF EXCLAMATION OF THE DAY:

He almost single handedly got me over the fantasy hump.

PEEVE OF THE DAY:

The Pope's benediction at Yankee stadium pre-empting the Denver-Lakers playoff game. Why should someone else's religion upstage my own?

LFAQs of THE DAY:

Is Tiger's knee surgery just a ploy to get golf some cred as a sport?

How can scalping be illegal but Stub Hub be "the official fan to fan resale site" of the New York Mets? Isn't that a bit like saying gambling is illegal but sportline.com is the Mets' official online wagering and gaming site?

Who is more delighted by Isiah's firing, Larry Brown, Lenny Wilkens, Starbury or Anuchka-Browne?

What will Isiah's new responsibilites be? Coffee? Salting Donnie's fries? What's his new position? On his knees? On all fours?

Are they selling foam "Number One!" fingers for fans of the Pope? And if not, why not?

Can you be precociously decrepit?

Who is the world's oldest prodigy?

Really, what's so bad about diarrhea?

Is there anything sadder than a guy who lies about winning his fantasy league and who wears his invisible fraudulent crown pretending to be the champ?

Wait...did you think that that was a confession?!?!?

POLITICAL COMMENT OF THE DAY:

(A propos of all the "bitterness" and "elitism" charges, the Democratic debate. etc.)

The candidates' outrage is totally manufactured but the media's fatuousness and the pundits' cluelessness seem totally sincere.

PASSOVER REFLECTION OF THE DAY:

I detect among my Jewish friends a subtle sense of enslavement to the ritual that commemorates their emancipation from slavery.

COMMMENT ON RELIGION OF THE DAY:

(Prompted by the visit of the pope and with all apologies to my religiously observant readers.)

I have nothing against religious leaders. But I do have a problem with religious followers.

OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:

What was most impressive about his screenplay was that he was able to write something so creative on a Dell and not a Mac.

DIALOGUE ON FANTASY HOOPS:

GUY 1: Congrats on winning the championship.
GUY 2: Thanks. I'm ashamed to admit I'm actually feeling pretty proud of myself. But I'll miss it. Fantasy hoops is a very pleasurable time waster.
GUY 1: Seriously, my life would be so much emptier and productive without fantasy everything.
GUY 2: Yeah, it's like election night every night. You just go home all excited and wait for the results to start coming in. I mean, I spent many nights just jumping from electronic boxscore to electronic boxscore...watching my guys' stats accumulate.
GUY 1: I live for the day game and the refresh button.
GUY 2: Brilliantly put. I forced myself--against all inclination--not to do fantasy baseball too. Because I knew it would be the end of every human relationship and every productive pursuit in my life. And you know what: I kind of regret it. :)
GUY 1: i joined 2 leagues just to burn the bridge of humanity.
GUY 2: I am so jealous. I admire your commitment to solipsism. And ironically …I'm the one who feels like, the big loser.

OXYMORONIC TAPE LOOP FROM HELL OF THE DAY:

Your call is very important…please hold for prompt assistance.

STYLE OF THE DAY:

Dignified yet ho-ish.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY:

If i didn't know any better i'd think you were trying to give me a heteronormative look.

CONFESSION OF THE DAY:

I just woke up this morning with an urge to use the word "heteronormative."

SPECTACLE OF THE DAY:

People on the Bill Maher show looking at Cornell West like the people in the crowd look at the Improv Everywhere performances I talked about the other day---their expectations undermined...their faces reflecting bafflement, shock, amusement, appreciation etc...Improv Everywhere should do a segment called Cornell West Everywhere and just film the faces.

RANDOM TRIAD OF THE DAY:

The white rat, knitting and immortal sadness

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"I have no intention of breaking up with her...but I am thinking about an exit strategy."

MANDITORY READING OF THE DAY:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/20/magazine/20wwln-lede-t.html?em&ex=1208923200&en=76d14e551d4461fb&ei=5087%0A

Michael Pollan's article in the Green issue of the New York Times Sunday Magazine.

GUEST CONTRIBUTION OF THE DAY: (From correspondent at large, Loren Parkins)

FIeld Notes from A Wandering Jew:

I attended a Seder in Pittsburgh with 73 people (allegedly all members of my family), where we gathered at the Westmorland Country Club. Problem was, after only just recently remembering all the names of my first cousins (my father had 10 brothers and sisters, and each had at least 2 or 3 kids = 30 or so first cousins), they all started having kids, 2nd spouses, etc.... I felt like I was at a Jewish mixer trying to fake my way through a conversation with someone who appeared to know me, without having the slightest idea of who they were. Thank god for the delicious new flavors of Mogan David Wine.
Then we drove home.

Thank you and good luck.
Reporting from the Keystone State,
for Random Acts of Commentary,
Loren Parkins

NOTE TO SELF OF THE DAY:

Write an elegy for the long saved, inadvertently erased voicemail messages.
And a blurb about Denis Johnson's "Tree of Smoke."
And maybe also about "My kid could Paint That" and/or "In Bruges."
And set up the damn computer you bought six months ago.
And, wait...there was some other thing. Oh yeah. Figure out what you want to do with your life.

MEDITATION ON TIME AND LOSS OF THE DAY:

Strange to have played the starring role in what will have turned out to have been her pre-history--the time not recorded in the official record--the story before the story of her life began.

RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:

He could use some Flomax cause he got no flow.