BECAUSE

a) I just saw this performed on TV and found the refrain--with its sad revisitation of Thunder Road--very moving.
b) I just learned how to do this embedding thing and am sort of playing with it like with a new toy.

RUNNING MEDITATION:

I am feeling the encroachment of a diminshing rather than expansive sadness so, once again, I motivate to take a little run. It is unseasonably warm and just after the gloaming. I run past the Museum of Natural History and admire the oversized dinosaur gargoyles lit up like Christmas trees on either side of the entrance. I consider repeating my old loop around the perimeter of the museum but, at the last minute, decide to veer into the park.

A soft darkness has now fallen and it is almost entirely empty inside. All I can hear is the rhythm of my footsteps. The lights of the iconic skyscape (GE etc.) are visible through the bare and baring trees. I am struck by the mysterious way this unsuspected solitude has opened up just steps away from the teeming life of the city. Sort of like in a children's book. It is strange to feel alone in nature in such close proximity to civilization and, connected through these animal exertions to my animal nature, I am feeling seduced into the depths of imagined woods. I am thinking about being a wolf or a bird at dusk--unusual thoughts indeed for this city boy. I am also thinking about the one time I was in a boat at night on the Hudson right off of the west side of Manhattan and how powerful the experience was for me. Again: The disorientation of such radically different experiences in such spacial and temporal contiguity.

Anyhow, the deep solitude and unexpected beauty of my little run did me good. I actually found that I didn't even get tired. In fact, I felt like I could go for miles and miles...but decided not to. (Let's not fool ourselves. While I referred to wolves, my pace was more suggestive of snails.)

I thought about how the only regular experience I have of my animal nature is on Wednesday nights playing basketball. It is a form of running with the dogs. Being part of a pack. But it is in a gym. Not a deep and dark woods. It is a different kind of meditation.

When I emerged (reluctantly, as I knew it wouldn't be warm enough to do this again for ages...and I most certainly wouldn' be free to run at 5 p.m. like this even if it were), I walked around the perimeter of the Natural History Museum, thinking about nature and history more than museums. (For a change).

On a lark, I seized upon the novelty of an almost entirely empty Shake Shack to order my first hamburger in a few years.

I saw a man who looked improbably like a perfect hybrid of Kris Kristofferson and Charlie Manson. (Although when it comes to resemblance, who's to say what is probable?)

I bumped into (and spoke briefly with) my young aspiring actress neighbor as I was shoppping (unsuccessfully) for Hanukah candles in Duane Reade. I told her a bit about my run through the park-- my first ever in the absence of daylight. She was holding a 4 pack of toilet paper and I a congealing piece of cooked steer in a brown paper bag. It was somewhere between poetry and comedy. It was life.

I found the Hanukah Candles at the Pioneer supermarket down the street and spoke a little French with one of the lovely Senegaliese cashiers. The Hanukah candles cost a miraculous ¢99.

I walked home--my sadness not gone, but rendered elemental, expansive; my spirit reawakened to the original beauty and mystery of the world.

Although right now my stomach isn't feeling quite so lyrical about the strange life form to which I just subjected it.

Time to light my candles and watch me some Knicks.

Candles. Reading lamp. Cathode glow. Liquid Crystal. Oh, joy. Oh abundance. Oh, blessed festival of lights.

UNNATURAL SHOCK:

Eddy Curry just blocked a shot! I repeat. Eddy Curry just blocked a shot!! I made what I thought was a funny no brainer faux ballsy prediction at the start of the season that Darko Milcic would have more blocked shots than Eddy Curry. But as of this moment they are tied for the season with 1 each.

LFAQ:

Who is the most improved Center in the NBA this year: Brook Lopez? Andrew Bogut? Marc Gasol?

LFAQs: (SLIGHTLY EXPANDED FOR ENHANCED WORK AVOIDANCE).

As you may know, Italian Prime Minister, billionaire media mogul and right wing womanizer Silvio Berlusconi had his nose broken when he was hit in the face by a statuette that was thrown from close range by a protester. Which is a cooler story of non non violent airborne political protest against the leader of a nation: This one or the Iraqi hurling a shoe at Bush?

How long till statuette throwing becomes an online video craze?

Will Dubya try to pull in some freelance coin by offering ducking lessons to Berlusconi?

Has the Old Testament G-d considered taking his favorite 8 of the Passover Plagues and giving them to Joe Lieberman during the 8 nights of Hanukah?

And then using his powers of divine intervention to take away his health care?

Can Lieberman do for the Democrats what Krypto Nate has done for the Knicks?

RANDOM THING:

Recently saw a list of 80 celebrities who are registered Republicans or at least regularly give money to the Republican Party. The only two people on the list who sort of surprised me (and again, I cannot speak for the accuracy of the reporting), were Denis Hopper and Kelsey Grammer.

NEWS OF THE DAY:

Barack Obama and Warren Buffett may be distant cousins.

http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/14/obama-and-buffett-may-be-distant-cousins/?hp

I think it's pretty cool because I continue to have some positive regard for both men. But I must say, that, to critics of Obama's economic policies, it may help explain his sweetheart deals for bankers and financiers. (I.e. may support Matt Taibbi's claims).

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

" I judge everyone and everything; but only after I prejudge them first. . . And if you don't, then maybe you're a cactus."

-S.O.

LIST OF THE DAY:

Inspired instances of casting vacuity to excellent effect.

The Rock in Southland Tales,
Andie Macdowell in Sex, Lies and Videotape and Groundhog's Day
Keannu Reaves in the The Matrix.

OBSERVATION:

Everyone laughed at how he always had Chipotle napkins stuffed in his pockets, but no one laughed when they sneezed or spilled and suddenly needed something soft and absorbant.

NEW CAREER POSSIBILITY:

Unpaid unofficial doorman, welcomer, glad hander, appetite fluffer and patron wrangler at my local Chipotle. Yeah, I can kind of see my life going in that direction.

INSOMNIA EXTRA EDITION:

QUOTE::

In recent appearances, the 53-year-old [CEO of GE] Jeffrey Immelt has said he is "humbler and hungrier" because of the recent credit crisis and recession, which severely damaged GE. He has also defended his record while stressing that he has learned from his mistakes.

"I needed to be a better listener."

Sounds like Tiger and Mark Sanford and Bill Clinton and...pretty much every powerful man who has ever been caught or embarrassed.

OBSERVATION:

Men are only chastened and humbled (and only talk about needing to be better husbands and better people and better listeners) after they have suffered humiliating failure or been exposed by epic embarrasments.

A sad but apparently immutable law of the Maniverse.

BASEBALL:

Blockbuster trade reported to be imminent: Phillies get Roy Halladay for Cliff Lee.

Bad news from a Mets perspective: The Phillies got one of the most dominant pitchers (and Yankee killers) in baseball.
Good news from a Mets perspective: They had to give up one of the most dominant pitchers (and Yankee killers) in baseball.

Further bad news from a Mets perspective: They are the Mets.

Sort of cool that the Mariners now have clearly the most dominant 1-2 pitching punch in baseball. Sadly, they are about 5 line-up mates for Ichiro short of World Series contention.

LFAQ:

How did Nate Robinson become the most important player on the Knicks (by subtraction) and Joe freaking Lieberman become the most important person in the Democratic Party (by a different kind of negative capability)?

Hell with that: How did Joe Freaking Lieberman become the most important person in America?

QUOTE OF THE DAY: (Hat tip Paul Krugman, for his fine column in the NYT today.)

“It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it.”

-Upton Sincliar

The Krugman column, taking the Republicans to task for opposing finance reform:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/14/opinion/14krugman.html?_r=1&em

PROPOSED AD COPY:

Don't miss that weekly desecration of the human spirit that is America Idol. Coming Up Next!

ONION-ESQUE (SHALLOT-LIKE) HEADLINES OF THE DAY:

Polar Ice Caps: Al Gore could disappear within 5 years.

Tiger and Elin reunited! (Insert Jiminy Glick laughter: (Ha ha ha HA ha ha.)

WOW: THAT DIDN'T LAST VERY LONG:

K-Hud dumps A-Rod.

Hudson, during a recent interview with David Letterman, called Rodriguez "a nice guy," adding that it "was a really fun summer" after the 'Late Show' host peppered her with dating questions.

Summer lovin'. Had them a blast. That peace with himself...doubt it will last.

OBSERVATION:

There is no element in the universe with a shorter half life than celebrity true love. (Except maybe the new year's resolution)

PROPS OF THE DAY:

To those snails--who left it all out on the race track. Those babies were a blur. Let's hear if for those ceramic escargots!!!

ACHIEVEMENT OF THE DAY: FIRST SUCCESSFUL VIEDEO EMBED:

Teddy Vegas productions presents: Blazing Snails. Showdown on the Mollusk Motorway! A race for Snail Supremacy! From despair to creation! A redemptive (if totally silly and gratuitous) video effort. Watch for the photo finish!!

I smell a rematch!!

Yes, totally silly. But it brings some modicum of (alas inexplicable) delight at the end of a trying day. So please, indulge me.

P.S. On an unrelated (and, alas, less delightful) note: Thank you Joe Lieberman for your deeply principled display of compassion for America's woefully neglected Health Insurance companies. May someone give you the swine flu for Hanukah.

LFAQ:

Who is most upset by the revelation of Tiger mistresses number 13 and 14:

a) Current and probably soon to be ex wife Elin?
b) The possessive first mistress who mistakenly thought she was the only (other) one?
c) Teddy Vegas who is all too cruelly reminded of just how apt and great and still timely his "I Did Tiger Woods" Nike commercial spoof would have been if funny or die had not done it (rather unimpressively) first? Waaaaa.

Ok. That is my final whiny lament of the day.

DUE TO POPULAR LACK OF DEMAND: TEDDY VEGAS IS BACK!

(OR TO MAXIMIZE OPPORTUNISTIC TRAFFIC VIA GOOGLE SEARCH AND ATTEMPT TO REAP SOME SMALL INDIRECT BENEFIT FROM THIS COMI-TRAGEDY, I WILL ADD THE FOLLOWING MISLEADING IDENTIFERS: MORE ON FUNNY OR DIE TIGER WOODS SPOOF OR: DID FUNNY OR DIE STEAL MY TIGER WOODS IDEA? I WANT A FULL INVESTIGATION!)

ANNOUNCEMENT:

I pulled myself out of my fetal position and forced myself to go through the rigors of a cold, punishing run. During this epic exertion, I reflected on the fact that I'd snoozed and I'd losed. And on the fact that perhaps I was a bit too comfortable leaving the idea in the realm of the concept --and did not feel the appropriate sense of urgency about pursuing its realization in the time-bound, now or never world. Was there some essential actualization-aversive part of me? Some native investment in remaining immaculately unrealized? Some prioritization of the intention over the act? Was I a person who, at some level, wants to remain in the realm of the idea, untainted by effort and achievement? Or did someone just beat me to the punch? Not sure.

Anyhow, I ran and grunted and gasped and cogitated. I tried to turn grief to rage and rage to self-affirmation. I tried to generate enough bodily heat to offset the outer cold. And when I was done with my gruelling, punishing, manly (to the point of masochistic) triumph of the will (aka 1/2 mile run), I sat down and declared the long awaited end of my indefinite break from blogging.

I hope you didn't miss me too much. If it was a long hour or so for me, I can only imagine how long it was for you!

Oh, while out there, I also had the following epiphany:

EPIPHANY:

Mid-afternoon in NYC, especially during the holidays, English is a second language. At best.

FROM THE JOURNAL OF SOUR GRAPES: (OR IS IT SPILLED MILK?): HOW MY VERSION WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER:
(Or what I didn't do during my winter vacation).

The women would have been carrying golf clubs and been occasionally shot in slo mo--to better mimic the original iconic Nike commercial. There would have been twins. And a a mother-daughter pair. And a distinguished-looking older man in a cardigan. There would have been a nun saying nothing but smiling in tacit acknowledgement of her transgression. There would have been poetry and beauty and magic and the subtlest twinge of pathos to amplify the comedy. There would have been an enhanced incongruity between the crudeness of the declaration and the aspirational, solemn tone in which it was delivered. The good looking women would have been better looking. The unattractive women would have been less attractive. The men would have been manlier. And the dog both cuter and uglier. There would have been a cameo by an otter. And a small gathering of sheep.

And they would have all been saying "I Did Tiger Woods" instead of "I fucked Tiger Woods."

REFLECTION ON THE TIGER BRAND:

Not shocked that the sponsors are walking away His mass appeal has always been about something that transcended (or at least was separate from) mere athletic greatness. It was based on an image of total discipline. Absolute focus and control. On the triumph of the will and the essential probity associated somehow therewith. Thus the damage done by his extramarital activities is not superficial. Not mere indiscretions that leave the core of his brand essence intact. No, these reckless and duplicitous acts have tainted the very core of Brand Tiger's DNA.

He might very well remain peerless as a golfer, But the thing that made him unrivaled as a marketing icon is gone.

(And from a human perspective --if one can still speak of such a thing--that is not necessarily a bad thing.)

LFAQ:

Which is more likely: Tiger salvaging his marriage or OJ finding Nicole's killer (in a place other than the mirror)?

GUEST CONTRIBUTION: FOUND POETRY: From cultural critic and observer at large Dr. P.G.

There was a little girl about 6 or 7 on the train yesterday and she asked her father non-stop questions from NY to Darien. They included:

"I don't understand about jobs."
"How does this train know where to go?"
"Do you really want to live in America?"
"What is the best kind of smart to be?"
"Did you make any money yet?"

P.S. OF THE DAY:

Oh, and there was going to be an old lady with a voice box and a talking blow up doll and a sexy robot all saying "I did Tiger Woods" too. (I'd cast the blow up doll and robot, but was still looking for the lady with the voice box.).

Oh, and a midget. I mean a small person. But that was obvious.

Oh, and an Elin Nordegren Woods look alike who would simply shake her head "No."

ANNOUNCEMENT:

In solidarity with Tiger Woods, Teddy Vegas is taking an "indefinite break" to work on being a better person and a better blogger. (Or at least to curl up in a fetal position or punch the mattress.)

THE ZEITGEIST BEAT ME TO THE PUNCH: FUNNY OR DIE DID MY TIGER WOODS SPOOF BEFORE I DID

More specifically Will Ferrell and his gang of rich goofy friends at Funny or Die. (I vote for DIE!!!!).

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/3571784e06/i-f-d-tiger-woods

What is galling is just how terrible a job they did with the idea. Hell with funny or die. I just want to kill or cry. But instead will simply put it in the ever expanding file called "Life's Cruel Disappointments" and assume a fetal position for a few hours or days.

Damn. I had the casting set and the shoot scheduled for tomorrow.

For the first time in quite a while I had a project I was really excited about and had actually gotten off my ass in order to pursue it.

Yup. This week is off to a sucky succotash start. Some personal tsuris exacerbated by this crushing blow. My week is turning out to be like Tiger's last week: Minus the vast wealth, ubiquitous media coverage and harem of mistresses.

Ok, I'll take this self-pity party off line.

Better to mope in total obscurity than in semi-obscurity.

(At least I am comforted by the knowledge that there are a few dozen of you out there (ok, on a good day, a few hundred...no need to be modest, Vegas), who know that I had the idea first. And better. I know, I know: That and a prostitute will get me laid. But I still take a small bit of comfort from it. Or at least I'm trying to. Also trying to convince myself that failure makes a more compelling narrative than success. But so far that effort at self-persuasion has itself been a total failure. And not a very interesting one at that.)

REQUEST FOR FEEDBACK:

I am almost never inspired to enter the New Yorker Caption Contest (I tend to find the winners they pick to be too clever and cute, and seldom laugh-aloud funny) but when I saw this week's illustration, I just had to give it a go. Anyhow, here are some thoughts (pardon a few variations on a single theme). I only get to submit one, so I am wondering what you guys think:

"Yes, it persisted for 4 hours, but I didn't think to call."

"Are there any other side effects I should know about?"

"The tests say there's absolutely nothing wrong with you."

"I think the Viagra is working too well."

"I think I have a problem."

"Any shortness of breath?"

"No. I haven't noticed any side effects."

"Nothing showed up on your X-rays."

"I think we should lower the dose."

"No problems in THAT area, Doc."

"That nurse of yours is hot!"

"I get this bunny feeling when I pee." (Just kidding, that one is for L.P.)

"A psychiatrist? Why?"

"Doc, I think you should see a psychiatrist."

"A psychiatrist? You're the one talking to a shadow puppet!"

"Do you take Aetna?"

"So how about Tiger Woods?"

COMMENT:

Some (like "Any shortness of breath?") make me laugh aloud. Not because they are cleverly circumscribed and supported by sense (i.e. some clever relation to the visual) but because of the sheer situational preposterousness. But these are the kinds of things they never select. Evidently, this tension between the clever/funny and the random/funny is being played out at The Onion these days--and is being conceived as a sort of generational thing. (The older generation wants the laugh to have an underlying meaning; the source of the comedy to be somehow explicable. The younger generation is all about the felicitously random.)

NEWS: I STILL HEART OBAMA

Obama blasted banks today for opposing finance reform (link below) "because we should never again find ourselves in the position in which our only choices are bailing out banks or letting our economy collapse."

Just days after Matt Taibbi's (perhaps prematurely and unfairly) damning article "Obama's Big Sell Out" appeared in Rolling Stone (link also below) and just one day after GE lobbyists worked out a sweetheart exemption from some proposed financial regulations that might have inhibited the company's growth, Obama came out with a rare display of righteous anger. It was good to see him exhausted looking and flat out fed up. Eloquent, but with an edge of outrage.

We saw some of this determined, principled leader in the bold and bracing Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech he gave earlier in the week. This is a man curiously freed and empowered by his declining popularity. One who is gaining in gravitas what he is losing in approval ratings. This is no longer a charming politician of eloquent promise. This is not a celebrity. This is a President. Indeed a war president. One who now realizes that there is a war raging on the home front as well. A war against greed and bad faith and blind short-term self interest. A war against the forces that resist accountability and the reforms that might necessitate it. A war against adversaries who pose as allies.

This is our Obama all growsed up. (No typo: Reference to Swingers. Sorry for that intrusive and uncharacteristic pop cultural reference moment and obstreperous and unnecessary explication thereof.) Righteous. Determined. Solemnly committed. This is an Obama disgusted with the possibility that his inadvertent legacy might be (as Taibbi suggests) a complete concession to the interests of the corporate political oligarchy. A capitulation to the wishes of Wall Street over the needs of Main Street.

It is impossible for me to listen to these last two speeches and not believe in the deep convictions and good will of the man. And I am pleased to see him summoning the rage necessary to have his wish and will more fully manifested in act and deed.

Check it out.

OBAMA'S SPEECH:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/12/obama-knocks-reckless-wal_n_389838.html

OPPOSING VIEW: MATT TAIBBI'S ARTICLE:

Matt Taibbi's article:

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/31234647/obamas_big_sellout/print

APPOSITE REMINDER:

A propos of the fight for change and the resistance to it...a reminder that "The People Speak" movie I mentioned a few times (An alternative view of American History--as told in the voices of the disenfranchised and the oppressed) is premiering tomorrow night, Dec. 13, on History Channel. It's well worth checking out.

MORE FRAGMENTS ENCOUNTERED DURING ONGOING CLEAN-UP:

The following from a small folder labelled "soon to be digital napkins.":

*Buying the Delillo book at Barnes and Noble as an expression of gratitude for their having already let me read it there for free.

*Exiled from profundity by an excess of seriousness.

*"When the train blew up, he was busy contemplating possible futures with the three different women who had laid partial claim to his fickle and indecisive heart."

*Receipt for tickets to Arcade Fire concert at Randall's Isalnd, 10/6/2007

*Market tested break-through, out-of-the-box thinking.

*Reflections on being, non-being and the space that is neither, the creation of ephemera and the man who mops beneath the urinals.

*Sad notes to self scribbled on the back of my seating card from an ex-girlfriend's wedding. A phrase from the note: "And then there is me: A black hole of festivity."

*A photo of me with wild Judaic Isro/Jewsfro standing in front of my childhood house. From the hand gesture I seem to be making some professorial point or preparing to shoot a pantomimed free throw.

*An invitation to "Plan ahead and Save" by buying my burial lot at the Sanctuary of Abraham and Sarah. I suppose I was struck by the stereotypical nature of the marketing effort. The assumption that Jews will be powerless to resist planning for this mortal inevitability if there are significant savings involved! Mortality and Value. The Jewish Way Etc.

*A new year's card I sent out about 20 years ago. It reads: "This is the year of the simple message."

*God created animals to be in commercials.

*lfaq: Is it possible to smoke a cigar and not think about sex or money?

*He was happy as a clam; a very sad clam. (RSSPOTD)

*The e-mail address of an in-law relative I seemed to make some connection with at my father's memorial service but with whom I have had no contact since.

*An absence had attached itself to everything and it was impossible to make it go away.

*"You have walking pneumonia? Well I have walking diarhea." (Hat tip to S.W.)

*A snap-on smile.

*A check from someone who is now dead. (Written in 1992).

*Definition: The Strip Club: Where the illusion of availability meets the reality of gullibility.

*Lfaq: When is Vlad Guerrero going to learn a little English?

*Lfaq: Is Dennis Kucinich still with that hot wife or did he have to return her after the election?

*Observation: At a loud bar, the subtext of almost every conversation is either "I can't hear you and I don't want to sleep with you" or "I can't hear you and I do want to sleep with you."

*Joke all you want, but blessed and sanctified is the worlding. For the experience of unworlding is most certainly no joke.

AND THIS JUST IN...

Break up the Knicks!!!!

FOUR NOTEWORTHY SENTENCES FROM AN ARTICLE ABOUT FREUD'S VISIT TO PARIS IN 1885 TO ATTEND THE LECTURES OF THE FAMOUS NEUROLOGIST JEAN-MARTIN CHARCOT.

Article By Kate Cambor in the current issue of the New England Review. (And, yes, so dignified to have an afternoon read followed by an afternoon nap. THIS is the life I was meant to lead.)

And now for the aforepromised excerpts from the aforementioned piece of cultural/intellectual history:

"To stave off his mounting sense of inferiority, Freud savagely noted the symptoms of that pathology unique to the French: their "miserable megalomania" which caused them to mount theater performances that lasted four hours and meals that last five or six, and that bred a misplaced idealization of revolutionary activity."

"Charcot, whose genius is limited only by his sanity, is in the process of demolishing my ideas and plans." -S.F.

"It was a pleasant childhood, marred only by the death of his mother."

"Theory is fine, but that doesn't prevent facts from existing." -J-M. C.

NEWS LINK OF DAY:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/11/us/politics/11blackwater.html?hp

Blackwater Guards Tied to Secret C.I.A. Raids

Concerning this troubling outsourcing of Government dirty dealings, I give you my...

APPOSITE EXCERPTS/SLIGHTLY NEPOTISTIC GESTURE OF THE DAY:

The following are excerpts from a recent article written by my brother, William Cohn (aka Bill), who is a lawyer, columnist and professor living and working in Prague. In truth, I would post the excerpts even if he weren't my brother. But the nepotism is noted in the spirit of full disclosure. (We're all about transparency here on RAC!) The article deals with some of the deeply disturbing legal, moral and political issues that underlie the Blackwater outsourcing referenced above. I would provide the link to the whole article, but I don't seem to have it.

NOTE TO MY BROTHER:

Brother Bill: Would you please re-send me or copy into the comment page the title of and link to your fine article so that we might properly credit you and perhaps even boost your readership a bit?? Go Mets!!!

BACK TO AFOREMENTIONED APPOSITE EXCERPTS:

"Outsourcing inherently governmental functions eviscerates democratic safeguards."

"A symbiotic relationship has grown between government contractors and public officials."

"The US now deploys more private forces (74,000) than uniformed soldiers (57,000) in Afghanistan. Armed Department of Defense (DoD) contractors in Afghanistan increased by 20 percent during the first half of 2009, and according to The Wall Street Journal, more than two-thirds of those contractors are Afghanis."

"Contractors fund campaigns and their lobbyists exert influence on budgeting and legislation. The power wielded in the partnership between contractors and public officials profoundly influences the “information” we receive, which in turn shapes public opinion and culture. Recall that the Pentagon orchestrated retired military officers to shill for the war effort in Iraq with the complicity of the pliant major television networks which misled their viewers by identifying the officers as independent expert military analysts."

“What we know now, if this is true, is that Blackwater was part of the highest level, the innermost circle of strategizing and exercising strategy within the Bush administration. [Blackwater founder and CEO] Erik Prince operated at the highest and most secret level of the government. Clearly Prince was more trusted than the US Congress because Vice President Cheney made the decision not to brief Congress."

"After signing the Stop Outsourcing Security (S.O.S.) Act which sought to stop the use of armed mercenaries in US war zones, Hilary Clinton declared during her 2008 presidential campaign, “These private security contractors have been reckless and have compromised our mission in Iraq. The time to show these contractors the door is long past due. We need to stop filling the coffers of contractors in Iraq, and make sure that armed personnel in Iraq are fully accountable to the US government and
follow the chain of command.” As Secretary of State, Clinton now presides over a diplomatic security force in Iraq that will involve Blackwater in its operations for the “indefinite” future. Hmm? What exactly changed?"

"Yet change has occurred in recent times, just not in favor of greater democracy. The privatization of public functions signals a profound change. “

"When Blackwater changed its name to Xe earlier this year and began doing business as USTC, it capitalized on the advantages the law affords corporationsas “paper persons.” Like all corporations,Blackwater is granted the rights of natural persons including free speech, to ownproperty, make contracts, file lawsuits, and receive equal protection of law. The company also benefits from protections denied real people such as limited liability, immunities, perpetual existence (unless corporate directors choose to “wind down” to erase corporate debts), the capacity for infinite rebirth, more generous bankruptcy protections, as well as tax and accounting advantages. Corporations are not mentioned anywhere in the US Constitution; the courts have created and expanded their rights over the last 150 years (see NYT op-ed “The Rights of Corporations,” 21 Sept. 09). But for Blackwater even that is not enough.'

"Using Blackwater and other companies to run the torture and assassination programs helps government agencies take covert, lethal operations even further away from congressional oversight. As well, Blackwater acts as a buffer shielding the executive
branch, affording it more plausible deniability than if the CIA were acting directly. This conveys why so many of these agreements were “off the books” as informal understandings."

"A political theorist and professor emeritus of Princeton University, Sheldon Wolin, writes: “The privatization of public services and functions manifests the steady evolution of corporate power into a political form, into an integral, even dominant, partner with the state. It marks the transformation of American politics and its political culture, from a system in which democratic practices and values were, if not defining, at least major contributory elements, to one where the remaining democratic elements and its populist program."

"Contemporary globalized corporations have become the most powerful institutions in human history."

GOAL:
(Only one worth having):

To maintain one's original relationship with the odyssey of existence.

EXCITING NEWS:

Chad Ochocinco is changing his name.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Johnson-Ochocinco-quot-Hachi-Go-quot-Chad-p?urn=nfl,207862

So now I am free to assume the name Teddy Ochocinco! Just in time for my 85th birthday! Actually, "antique" quipping aside, if I do turn out to be fortunate enough to make it to 85, how freaking cool would that be to legally change my name to Teddy Ochocinco just for that one year?

TRIBUTE:

To the blessed peaks of unsustainable feeling.

LFAQ:

I read that the Norwegians are miffed at Obama because of his short Nobel visit. And of course Elin the Norwegian is miffed (to say the least) at Tiger because of his long ignoble visits. So the question: Are Norwegian/African-American relations suffering because of these two developments?

RANDOM QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"You don't have wireless? How do you go to the bathroom?"

-J.M.

SLIGHTLY LESS RANDOM QUOTE OF THE DAY:

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

Jasper Parnevic who introduced Tiger Woods to his now (aggrieved) wife Elin

"I feel really sorry for Elin," he told The Golf Channel on Wednesday. "I would be especially sad about it since I'm kind of ... I really feel sorry for Elin, since me and my wife were at fault for hooking her up with him. We probably thought he was a better guy than he is. I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of the 3-iron."
Parnevik noted the privacy issue at the heart of the story, but understands that the rules are different for Tiger ... and not always in his favor: "It's a private thing, of course. But when you are the guy he is, the world's best athlete, you should think more before you do stuff. . . And maybe not just do it, like Nike says."

OBSERVATION:

Yale Grad Student murder by Yale Lab Tech worker: A clash of classes and of tolerances for disorder.

FRAGMENTS FOUND DURING CLEANUP:

*Lying there...a separateness was interposing itself between them. He was already becoming a ghost to her.

*If a tie is a sexual directional indicator, does that mean that bowties are for guys who want to have their shoulders sucked? (LFAQ)

TERM I LEARNED TODAY:

Splash Stick. This is the thing they give you at Starbucks to plug the whole in the sip top so there is no spillage during transport. I thank the lovely young barista for this little bit of edification; this slight but useful enhancement of my lexicon.

OBSERVATION:

Arguably, the most productive thing i have done in the last 20 years in this apartment is watch pages yellow. Yes, in some very abstract sense, I have presided over the yellowing of my pages; the curling of my photographic prints. I have been a participant. observer and guardian of this time capsule. Actually, it is more like a magic trick. A man steps into an apartment as a young man and steps out of it as a middle aged man. A miraculous transformation. Presto. The temporal: Ta da!!

SENTENCE THAT MADE ME KINDA SORTA WINCE:

"Morgan Freeman was born to play Nelson Mandela."

LINK THAT MADE ME KINDA WINCE AND KINDA SMILE AND KINDA PROUD:

http://www.mixx.com/videos/9617153/youtube_nefesh_b_nefesh_hanukkah_flash_mob_official_nbn_release

P.S.

Happy Hanukah Ya'll!

--

P.S. THIS JUST IN...LIKE A FIRST HANUKAH GIFT:

U.S. Ends Blackwater contracts.

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2009/12/11/us/AP-US-CIA-Blackwater.html?hp

See what a little public exposure/shaming can do?

PROBABLY THE MOST INTERESTING (AND CERTAINLY THE MOST ENTERTAINING) THING TO HAPPEN AT A KNICKS GAME THIS YEAR: AND THAT INCLUDES D'ANTONI GOING OFF ON N8 AFTER HE SHOT A 3 POINTER INTO THE WRONG BASKET. (OF INTEREST TO NON SPORTS FANS AS WELL). Hat tIp to Ball Don't Lie and Improv Everywhere.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/blog/ball_dont_lie/post/Improv-group-pulls-lost-fan-prank-during-Knick;_ylt=Av7OptUE0kKhHYDdT7K3tjy8vLYF?urn=nba,207783

IMAGE: OR WHY I'M FEELING A LITTLE BEAT UP TODAY

The table during post-hoops beers. (But feel free to contribute your own caption.) BTW: This photo was taken AFTER about 2 bog garbage bags worth of empty cans had been removed.

STATUS UPDATE: (aside from a little beat up).

Staycation Interruptus. Got called back into work for an emergency. Tomorrow, I must leave my blessed blogging bunker and abort my ongoing cleanup efforts. Probably gonna have to work through the weekend. Arggg. And just when I was getting my groove back.

LFAQ:

Just saw the following headline on Reuters:

White powder found at American Express HQ
http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE5B955X20091210

Upon reading that, did more people immediately think of cocaine or anthrax? Ok, I guess the answer is pretty obvious. It really feels like anthrax has left the zeitgeist. Had its moment, taken its bow and left the stage. We hear about it less frequently than we hear about Osama Bin Laden. But maybe it's making a comeback. Obviously, I hope not. For the health and well-being of all, I really hope it's coke.

R.I.P. OF THE DAY:

The Public Option.

(I actually mistyped it as "The Pubic Option" which, I suspect, would have a hell of a lot better chance of passing.)

LFAQs:

Which will happen first:

a) We get a Public Health Care Option in America.
b) A gay marriage bill is passed in NY State.
c) The Knicks win the NBA championship.
d) DLTTHYOTWO becomes a near ubiquitous part of the vernacular.
e) Tiger Woods appears again on a Wheaties box.

Is anyone contemplating starting a Nobel War Prize?

RANDOM NON-CONTEXTUAL ASSERTION OF THE DAY:

It's all about the empty signifier.

FOUR TIMES I FELT REALLY STUPID:

Before Today:

*Hearing someone talking about The Protocols of the Elders of Zion and responsding in a way that revealed my obviously entirely misguided understanding that this was a book written by Jews about their religion and traditions. (Attempt at minimally face-saving note: This was a long, long time ago. )

*Hearing a guy say that he practiced class action law...and my responding in a way that revealed my again entirely incorrect (indeed orthogonal to correct) understanding that this was some kind of righteous anti-corporate law practiced on behalf of the disenfrachised underclass. Then i heard he had a $2 Million apartment in Tribeca and I understood that I must not have understood. (Again, in an attempt to minimally save face: This was a pretty long time ago.)

Today:

*A propos of class action: I mailed in 2 forms (just beating the deadline) for some class action suit in behalf of shareholders in all these once high-flying vapor ware internet stocks that were decimated in the Nasdaq crash of 2001. I had neglected to act on the countless other times I'd received forms for such" class action" litigations and made up my mind that i would gather all the necessary documents and spend all the necessary time and do all the necessary labor to at least send these 2 forms in-- doing so in full awareness of the fact that, in the best case scenario, if my claim was deemed legitimate and up to code and not disqualified for one of a million arbitrary bureaucratic reasons, I would only receive hundredths of a penny per share of stock involved. (But on the upside, at least I would be acting righteously in behalf of my disenfranchised "under class!") So, anyhow, i just mailed these things off via certified mail--at a cost of about $12.50 for a possible total return of about 23 cents. In other words, a return on investment/net loss that almost perfectly replicates the percentage loss on the original underlying investment! (But it was a matter of principle: Yes, throwing money away elevated to a matter of principle.)

*Paying $39.60 to get a single bag of laundry cleaned at my local dry cleaner. I forgot to ask if that reflected the new recession pricing or not. (In an attempt to fail to save face, let me point out that these last two stupidities did not happen a long, long time ago. They happened today.)

RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY"

He was tortured by the feeling that the world was littered with potential future ex wives he would never meet.

SOCIAL MEDIA CURIOSITIES:

Seeing the following note when I pressed the "Like" button: "Unable to like this object because it is not accessible (it may have been removed or you may no longer have permission to see it)." Felt like it had some profound symbolic meaning. Or was describing a woman who is no longer single.

Got a friendship request from some woman named Jade Feiner. (Come hither pic above). Some young hottie I'd never seen or heard of who counts among her 82 Facebook friends Jake Gyllenhall and a bunch of college students. Interests are listed as: friendship/random play. Policital Views: Extremely Liberal. Smells like a scam. Probably one of Tiger's girls. But I'm sure many of the folks who receive her friendship invites suddenly look at the "poke her" option that pops up beneath her pic in a whole new light.

P.S. Sorry, Jade, if you are indeed someone I know well and have simply forgotten. If that is indeed the case, I genuinely regret misconstruing your heartfelt gesture of electronic friendship and I hope your extremely liberal political views and zest for random play will allow you to forgive me.

JADE FEINER: THE SEQUEL

Just out of curiosity (and a desire not to gratuitously insult a long forgotten friend), I Googled the said Jade Feiner. And note, the third entry on the front page of the search results!

In case it's too small to read, the third entry is "Random Acts of Commentary: Got a friendship request from some woman named Jade Feiner. (Come hither pic above). Some young hottie I'd never seen or heard of who counts among her 82 Facebook friends Jake Gyllenhall..." It was a through the looking glass moment snake swallowing its own tail kind of moment. I had somehow added to her fame! She owes me!! Big time!!

Social media self-reflexivity notwithstanding, the really impressive (and slightly scary) thing is that Google discovered my mention of her less than a minute after I'd posted it. Well the lover of random play and the blogger of random acts are now linked though Google: Our great and glorious leader slash self-promotional match-maker.



P.P.S. Again, sorry Jade, if your offer of friendship is genuine and has been unfairly doubted. I do not aim to mock or hurt. I am merely intrigued by this brave new world of electronic acquaintance.

CONTINUED NAPKIN TRANSCRIPTIONS:
(Pardon any inadvertent repeats. Just typing it up and throwing the material evidence into the big black garbage bag.)

*He had the makings of a great philanthropist except for the fact that he hated people. (RSSPOTD)

*She was a zionist and a jew, but he inspired intense feelings of anti semitism in her. (DESCRIPTIVE FRAGMENT)

*T-Shirt Idea: Body By Haagen Daaz.

*Democrats' Southern Accent School. (For enhanced electability)

*Motto: Too Arrogant to be Persnickety.

*Is there a cosmological phenomenon that's like a black hole except instead of swallowing the matter, it violently expels it?--an explosion of nothingness? (LFAQ)

*Are people really that excited about branding????? (LFAQ?)

*Description: The terrible slippage into the space that separated him from himself, his world and everyone he knew.

*Contains Literary Product

*"Can't Wait for the Delay!!"

*Idea: Fat guy singing and dancing as his big gut bounces up and down: My GUT shake brings all the girls to the yard...hell yeah it's better than yours, hell yeah... (Any volunteers to do this??)

*An unsent postcard to my father --written while abroad

*Most compromised experience on earth: Betting cynically on Duke during March Madness and losing!

*Overhead honest to goodness in Vegas: "I mean it's a horrible thing that my friend's kid died, but it's a fucking funny story.

CARTOON WITHOUT ILLUSTRATION: Think of him as a blunt financial instrument.

QUICK HOOPIC NOTES:

Basically an attempt to get my interest back in the game after the Oden heatbreak/kneebreak.

*Love the gall the stories of Greg Oden telling his teammates" "Keep Fighting Without me!" What was he gonna tell them: "Just give up"?

*Speaking of the Trailblazers: With all the injuries (Batum, Oden, Rudy Fernandez etc.), they were short on men in practice. So coach and ex baller Nate McMillian steps into the fray to make it a hoopic quorum and, you guessed it, tears his ACL. Much as Harry Reid described the state of the public option, the whole freaking team is "sidelined, but not killed."

*Love that Rasheed doesn't think Donaghy acted alone. Imagine that. But then again, he's probably right.

*Speaking of Love. Kevin Love. Very impressive since his return. Where is the Love? THERE is the Love! The best (and only) NBA Love since Bob.

*Bummed: That Beaubois appears to be fixed to the not so beau bois. The pine. The bench. IN fact, with J-How back, it looks like he might be completely out of the rotation.

*Impressed: By the emergence of Andrew Bogut as a legitimate force at the 5 spot. Perhaps one of the top 5 big men in the game this year.

*Wondering: If his teammate Brandon Jennings is going to ever shoot 50% in a game again. He's been veritably Starksian in the field goal percentage department ever since his huge 55 point game brought him instant celebrity, Love his skills. But he's got to develop some better judgement in the shot detection department. He's definitely a subscriber to the "You miss every shot you don't take" philosophy. For Iverson, that used to work. His shooting 40% was ok, because his missed shots worked as virtual assists. Everyone collapsed on him and his teammates would get the offensive rebound and put back. But I'm not sure that's the dynamic playing out with this kid right now. They've lost 4 straight and he hasn't shot over 41% in a game in over 2 weeks.

*When The Wizards and Cavs next play, will Agent Zero's (former?) fiancee be screaming for Shaq or Gilbert? (During the game and after.)

OTHERNESS AMONG US:

Just read that this American born Pakistani-American guy, David Headley, may very well have been the KSM of the Mumbai attacks. A caucasian convert to Islam, this guy represents the worst fears of American intelligence. A terrorist in Jeep's clothing, An Other among us who looks like a same. Which is the essence of true terror. (See the history of horror movies and nightmares) Pretty compelling. An American born KSM will be on trial for the Mumbai attacks in India right around the same time KSM will be on trial for the 9/11 attacks in NY.

OK, back to the piles.

A TRIO OF DIPTYCHS ENCOUNTERED DURING ONGOING CLEAN-UP:

And, no, that mess on the left side of the middle diptych is not intended to be part of the art work. It is the consequence of Teddy Diptych not having been very careful in the art work maintenance department and having spilled some coffee or something on it. Bad Teddy Diptych! Bad!!

RANDOM FRAGMENTS FROM ONGOING CLEANUP:

Found in a manilla folder labeled: "Things tacked on Office wall"

Life. Accept no imitations.

Mammal

Phillip Seymour Hoffman as Truman Capote with a speech bubble that reads " I KNOW what "exacerbate" means. There's not anything in the world you possibly teach me about."

From a manilla envelope labelled "Essential Marginalia."

Brevity is the soul of wit. And of laziness.

If you fail to properly pose the answer, you can miss some really interesting questions.

Narcoleptic Freight Train

The Semi-domesticated Bobcat.

Metro Asexual tagline: "Check out our Shiny New Armpits."

Mothers For Drunk Driving.

Rob and Bob Kabob

From a file labeled "Cartoon Ideas" A precursor to the Cartoon Without Illustration:

Two finance types working out at gym: "Yeah, Sarah and I have been trending downwards since January."

Badass-looking woman to her less badass-looking friend: "Monogamy? Puh-Lease. That is like so last 26 centuries!"

Guy to girl at a bar: "Hi. And I trust that you can hear the invisible quotation marks when I say that."

NOTE TO READERS:

Thank you for indulging this airing of old fragments and by aiding in my clean-up efforts by so doing. Now that I've turned a few analogue napkins, paper shreds and bar coasters into digital napkins, paper shreds and bar coasters and sent them flying into the blogosphere, I can finally throw them out. So thank you. Oh, and one more thing: Isn't it cool that I finally figured out how to do italics on this thing?!?!

CURIOUS DISCOVERY DURING CLEAN-UP

I find an old old pair of pants at the bottom of a storage bin. I go through the pockets and find 2 lighters (2 Lighters? I don't even smoke!), 3 condoms (3 condoms?? I don't even...never mind.) and then --the answer to the mystery--a few Cuban coins and a business card from Havana.

NOTE TO SELF:

Forget about it, Vegas. It was Havana.

TIGER UPDATE:
(Hat tip to some anonymous commenter on some other blog who made a related quip).

The total is now 10. 10 women who have NOT slept with Tiger Woods.

TIGER COMMENT (UNDER ERASURE):

I was going to wonder aloud whether anyone had commented on the fact that, so far, none of Tiger's mistresses has been black. But then I saw that Rush Limbaugh was ALL OVER that one...and I decided to (almost) refrain.

HOOPS:

The Tiger scandal has obscured the big news that Shaq's wife has filed for divorce--apparently none too pleased that Shaqfu is having an affair with Agent Zero's fiance. I assume Agent Zero is none too pleased himself. Agent Zero (Gilbert Arenas for the non hoopically inclined) can take solace in the fact that he was the better blogger and has the cooler nickname. And has the number of Tiger's procuress.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/11/shaq-and-gilbert-arenas-f_n_354497.html

LFAQs:

Did Philadelphia re-acquire Iverson just so they could have the only AI/AI backcourt in NBA history (Allen Iverson and Andre Iguadala)?

Who knew that Marisa Tomei, Meg Ryan and Parker Posey got their starts on "As The World Turns?"

Who knew that Nate Robinson was the key to the Knicks' success?

Are the Nets the best 1-19 team in NBA history? (Update: The Nets are now 2-19!!! which leads us to our closing unnatural shock).

UNNATURAL SHOCK:

After winning about 10% of their combined games until last week, the Nets and Knicks are combined 5-1 in their last 6 games.

LFAQ:

Cutest, coolest thing ever or further evidence that our weak President will bow not only before the Emperor of Japan and the King of Saudi Arabia but before little tyrants of all races and nationalities? (Seriously, how long before the Wing-nuts are all over this thing?)

THOUGHT:

Poor Elin Woods must be nostalgiac right now for the era of lost innocence: Yes, those halcyon days of yore when she only thought her husband had cheated on her with 3 women!

This is becoming a carnival.

LFAQ:

How long until someone sets up a website where you can rank Tiger's mistresses? And will the ranking be the standard 1-10 or will it be some cute golf specific thing like bogey, par, birdie, eagle, hole-in-one?

LESS TAWDRY AND GRATUITOUS THOUGHT:

Struck me after the T.S. Eliot/Beethoven thing the other night, that T.S. Eliot's Four Quartets remind me more of Proust's Remembrance of Things Past than of any other major work Certainly they bear no superficial similarity. One is short, the other virtually interminable. One is poetry, the other prose. There is almost not stylistic similarity. And I suspect that the word count of one of Proust's longest sentences would exceed that of Eliot's entire work.

So what is the basis of this claimed resemblance? It is this: Eliot's poems (the final poetic offering of his lifetme) are clearly motivated by and expressive of a quasi religious epiphany; a theoretical/spiritual idea that not only concludes the work but allows him to begin it in the first place. (In the beginning is the end...) It is the conclusion of a life's agonizing struggle; one that gives form and shape to the work of that lifetime. It is for this reason, that the series of poems was able to stand as a final statement for Eliot. After saying this, there was nothing left to say. It is very rare for a writer to have such a wholly transformative final revelation after long struggle--one which gives rise to a last and lasting opus. And here's where the connection to Proust comes in. Like Eliot's Four Quartets, Proust's Remembrance of Things Past is born of a redemptive conclusion; an idea about time and experience that allows this great final work to take shape. In Eliot's case, the idea was a particular Christian-quasi buddhist notion of the immanence of eternity in time. In Proust's case it was about the redemptive relationship between Art and Time. But they are both essentially works enabled by and illustrative of huge life-defining epiphanies and they are both works that conclude the respective writers' literary labors. (Of course, we know that Proust'swork was literally coextensive with his life...as he died while still editing it...But still, it is impossible to conceive of him writing another work after that one.)

This may seem to be common. Indeed, the basis of most great literature But it is, in fact, surprisingly rare to find such a complete and defining mid to late career spiritual/conceptual tranformation. Maybe Rilke. Maybe Dante. But not in the same way as these two works... Anyhow, just the outline of a thought (that would merit longer and more thorough consderation). But I'm just throwing it out there...cause I was getting tired of talking about Tiger's harem.

TV:

Checked out Friday Night Lights for the first time last night. Conventional, soap-opera-ish story, but very well told and beautofully shot/composed. Not to mention casted. Some really lovely looking people.

Noted Resemblances:

The replacement QB looks like a lighter haired cross between Rob Morrow ("Northern Exposure" and, I think "Numbers") and Jon Stewart.

The gorgeous girl (Whom I've since discovered is Derek Jeter's fiance) looks like a cross between Jessica Alba and Penelope Cruz.

The handsome long haired guy, Riggins, looks like --oxymoron alert--a good looking Neil Young. Which is to say Neil Young with a little Johnny Depp thrown in.

And the coach looks like a slightly narrower faced, dark haired Jamie Daimon

Ok, back to sorting and sifting through the debris...